Tag Archives: humor

Bodily Function Horror Story…I couldn’t make this stuff up

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It’s Sunday morning, too early for the sun to be up, but not for my son to be up.  It has been a long night.  Baby boy is teething and not sleeping well.  Hubby has been sick, and my 3 year old (the star of this post) woke up coughing several times.  I’m tired.  I’m grumpy.  Then it happens, “MOMMY!”  My husband arrives on the scene first, “O Gosh, MANDY!”  The yelling wakes up the baby and he starts crying.  I stumble into the bathroom, scene of the crime, and try to figure out what the heck is going on.  My son is sitting on the potty, naked.  My husband is folding up the bath mat and looks like he is going to hurl.  My first thought is little man missed the toilet and peed on the floor.  No big deal.  Gross, yes, but unfortunately it happens all the time.  I set the baby down and go to get some cleaning spray.  Then I smell it.  Poop.  Overwhelming, nose hair curling, not what you want to wake up to, poop.

My son had in fact missed the toilet, but it was not pee on the bath mat.  Now I get why my husband looked queasy.  I get what the fuss has been about, but it’s not over yet.  Little man has poop on his feet and he is now leaving poop prints across the bathroom and on the carpet and baby boy is crawling through it.  I might even have it on my feet.  Horrified, I grab baby boy and command little man to, “for the love of all that is holy STOP MOVING!”  Balancing baby boy in one arm I Lysol wipe my feet.  That’s right Lysol wipes the only thing I could reach with out risking further poop contamination.  Next is baby boy.  I scrub his hands (don’t worry he gets soap not Lysol) strip him and redress him.  Little man is last.  He is already naked, his pajamas fell victim to the poop explosion, so all I have to do is scrub him clean and get him dressed.

Once the kids are sanitized and dressed I have to start on the bathroom.  For 45 minutes I scrub and I bleach.  I use every brand of disinfectant I own.  The bath mat and rug go enjoy a hot spin in the washer accompanied by our 3 sets of jammies.  It’s now 8 am, the kids need breakfast, husband is back in bed, and I am still tired and still grumpy.

If you were looking for or expecting some morsel of wisdom hidden in this post, there is non, except maybe always have bleach on hand.  😉  Have a great week!

 


Life with an audience

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Our kids are always watching

When I use the bathroom there is an audience.  When I shower there is an audience.  Cook, clean, and drink my coffee all done with an audience.  Honk at the car in front of me, which is sitting stationary at the green light, done in front of an audience.  Stub my toe and unleash a torrent of, hopefully, G rated explanation marks and my kids are there to see and hear it.  You get the idea, no matter what I’m doing or saying someone is always around to witness it.  I try, and often fail, to be a good example.  I want my words to be encouraging and kind.  I want my actions to model the lessons I am trying to teach my kids.  But it is exhausting!  No one can be “on stage” 24/7 without making some mistakes.  I am learning to admit to my kids when I was wrong.  My toddler is great at calling me out when I have used a mean word or acted unkind.  It hurts my pride to say, yes mommy was wrong, and to ask forgiveness.  But it is the right thing to do and it is good for me and for my kids.  By dealing correctly with my own, inevitable, mistakes I hope to teach my kids how to face their mistakes.

Applause!  Applause!  Here is a standing ovation for you!  This parenting thing is your most demanding performance and you are doing a great job.