Sometimes being a mom just plain sucks. It’s hard and it hurts. This last week has left my heart bruised and it won’t be the last time. You know what I mean, every time something hurts your kids, it hurts you. Remember the first time your little one had to get a shot? You cried. When they were learning to pull themselves up and instead did a face plant? You felt it. As time goes by I know the pain will change. My kids will get their feelings hurt and their hearts broken and my heart will hurt right along with them. It’s the price we pay when we become parents.
Last week my 8 month old, happy as can be, little boy was admitted to the hospital. It was a short stay and we were able to go home after 24 hours. The doctors think he had a seizure but aren’t sure why or if it will happen again. Despite no sleep and little food I was able to remain relatively calm through the whole experience. A fact I whole-heartedly attribute to the “peace that passes all understanding” I know God was in that hospital room with us guiding the nurses and doctors, holding my baby, and comforting me. I felt my Jesus there with me. To some that might sound crazy and very spiritual and that’s ok, you can think I’m crazy. I had to stop here and give into the tears that were stinging my eyes because even though we are home now my heart hasn’t stopped hurting. In fact, it is hurting even more. It hurts when I think about what might have happen, it hurts when I remember the other kids still at the hospital and when I think about the families whose children won’t ever be coming home. This week every time I have held my son I have prayed for those families. The parents who are watching their kids suffering and the families dealing with lose.
After this experience it would be very easy for me to give into fear. The fear of what tomorrow may hold. I could worry myself sick, something my last post touched on. But I am determined to find joy instead. I will rejoice in today. I will enjoy every blessed minute I have with my family. More hugs, more laughs, more time just being. I have been taking more pictures of my kids, not the posed matching outfit kind, but just the silly kids being kids type. I’ve made a point of closing my laptop and sitting with my oldest while he watches cartoons, and said yes when he wants’ mommy to play, instead of “in a minute”. I still have a to do list, the laundry still has to be done and dinner cooked, but I have found a lot more time by being intentional and cutting out the “fluff” in my day. I am so glad I did!
I know this post was long and an emotional roller coaster (not to mention grammatically frightning) but I think thats ok. Sometimes we need emotional, it gets our attention and helps us to stop and process things.
New International Version (NIV)
26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?